Part of how I got started on my own personal journey to becoming a health and lifestyle coach was my journey to recovering from one of the lowest points in my life while struggling with an eating disorder and disordered eating. I shared this on my Facebook page a couple of months ago and was initially terrified to share it. After sharing it, it felt freeing. I was overwhelmed by all of the support and love I received and I felt it was important to share here on my website, too. You can also find a similar version here.
At 94 pounds, I was SCARED. I SHUT DOWN. Not sure what to do or how I got myself into this “mess” I started searching for answers. A conversation with a doctor telling me I could have a heart attack at the age of 23 woke me up…
We all have our own unique journey. Life is all about ups and downs, learning from and accepting our personal journey. I believe everything happens for a reason. Our challenges are our greatest gifts.
In my early 20’s I “woke up” and found myself at about 94 pounds. (I’m 5′ 6″; that’s not healthy.) It didn’t happen overnight, but it happened pretty quickly.
I didn’t connect or slow down to take in what was going on in my life or with my body.
Life appeared to be good; I was going through the daily motions of life, eating “healthy”, exercising, working for a great company, I had a boyfriend and, well, I wasn’t “happy”.
I felt stuck. I felt anxious and stressed. I didn’t like my job. My relationship wasn’t working out and most of my friends and family were far away. My body had shut down.
I was disconnected. I felt like I had lost control. I didn’t want to reach out. I didn’t want to be judged or have people think I was a failure. I decided that since I got myself into this situation, I would get myself out, so I went on my own journey. I struggled in silence. I pushed away the people who cared for me most.
My silent struggles took control. My body knew it. I dropped 30 pounds in 3 months without realizing it. When I did “wake up” I saw that my focus on being “healthy” was counting every calorie that went into my body. I exercised to relieve stress (over-exercised) and to take the focus away from my job and avoid my relationships.
Too much focus on one area causes weakness in other areas.
Reaching out wasn’t easy; however, it helped move my journey in a more positive direction. I checked myself into an Outpatient Eating Disorder Clinic at 94 pounds to refocus on my health. I connected with the Nutritionist there, I saw her as a friend, someone who listened, cared and who didn’t judge me. I started reaching out to my friends and family for more support.
My eating disorder changed my life. It gave me a fresh new look at how disconnected I was in my own life and the importance of being connected to everything around you. The support I found when reaching out created a lot of strength and confidence to release the control of food and exercise and take back a positive life focus.
I felt free and started to take control of my WHOLE life. I learned the importance of loving myself first.
Now, in my 30’s, I have a very healthy relationship with food and exercise. My struggles with food, exercise, relationships, my career and my own personal self-awareness and self-love have changed. Are they perfect? No, they are always evolving.
My interest in health and overall life wellness and personal transformation moved me to help others in leading a healthier life. Connecting with the right people and resources on my journey helped PUSH me to taking crucial and positive changes. You can’t do it alone, the support and love from those that care will move you further.
I failed and in the process of failing I learned to reach out and ask for help. When I started loving myself, I was open to LOVE from others.
My MESS is my MESSAGE. If you or someone you know is struggling in any area of life, reach out or ask for help, don’t struggle in silence or let them hide out in their silent struggles.
There are people that care and love you and want to see you SHINE on your personal journey, myself included.
If you got to this point and read everything above, thank you for taking the time to read it. The very thought of sharing this made me sick yet I know if ONE person connected to it it’s worth it.
Your MESS is your MESSAGE, too. You are meant to SHINE and the more you connect with and trust others the brighter you will SHINE, too.
(Both pictures are over 10 years old and are not at my lowest weight, but close, as I didn’t allow pictures of me at my lowest weight, nor did I rarely leave the house except for work.)