People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
I care. I care a lot, sometimes too much.
But does anyone really think that they don’t care or aren’t a caring person? Probably not. Naturally, as women, we are caregivers - mom or not.
Most coaches care, but in my own personal experience, I've found that not all coaches are caring coaches.
As humans, we show how we care in different ways.
We've learned how to show we care from the relationships we've had growing up, which feels normal to us, but might not be normal to other people. It doesn't make it right or wrong, but I feel there are certain ways to show you care that can help build trust and a deeper connection, especially within a coaching relationship and even in personal relationships.
No one really likes to be told what to do, especially when going through a difficult and vulnerable situation. (Right?) If someone is coming to you for guidance, help or a listening ear, FIRST show them that you care.
I can think of many situations in which people have tried to show me they care, but it made me feel almost less connected with them, especially when I felt I was being told what to do, they weren't listening or they showed that they really didn't care by not giving me their attention.
In my many years of coaching, combined with my background in human resource management, I've been observing and testing out different ways of coaching and connecting with other human beings on a more personal level both within my business, past career experience, friendships and in my connections I've made around the world.
One thing I've learned and have noticed time and time again is that:
No one really likes to be told what to do, especially when going through a difficult and vulnerable situation.
If someone is coming to you for guidance, help or a listening ear, always show them that you care first.
People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
While I could go on a lot of tangents with this one, here are some tips to be a good + caring coach (or a good friend/partner/listener).
Three Simple Tips to be a Caring Coach
1. Listen.
Always LISTEN first.
While listening sounds easy, it’s something that EVERYONE needs to practice. (I've been on THOUSANDS of hours of coaching calls, I know this.) If you're listening to someone and then come up with a response or recommendation right away - you’re really not listening fully (since your response is already ready to come out of your mouth).
Learn to really LISTEN. Focus on their words, emotions, non-verbal gestures, then once they are done talking, be quiet, breathe, GIVE SPACE and then talk (if needed). Let them know you are being present by showing them.
2. Ask Curious Questions.
Ask questions, don’t make statements and definitely don’t be judgmental. "Curiosity is the cure for judgment."
Show them you care by asking them curious questions. I use the term curious questions because when we come from a curious place, it takes out the judgement and/or helps the person feel more at ease and that they're not being judged.
As humans, we're naturally curious, so be curious and present in the moment to learn and understand more about what your client or friend is sharing. PLUS keep listening.
3. Never Assume.
Never assume you know the answer or have the answer to your client or friend’s problems. You might know a little bit about the situation, but don’t assume that you know what they're going through.
Stay curious, keep asking curious questions, keep listening and learn more about the situation. Once you have a clearer picture of what's going on, take a step back (breathe) and then, if you feel the client or friend is ready, ask them what type of support they desire OR what positive progress or action they are ready to take.
No one likes to be told what to do, but by helping to guide them, by letting them choose their next steps is usually the most powerful experience for the client (or friend).
Most of the time they know the answer, but they need that safe place to share, be heard, feel listened to and dive a little deeper into the situation at hand with the help of a trusted and caring coach (or friend).
Listen. Ask Curious Questions. Never Assume.
So, the next time you're working with a client or connecting with a friend who is going through a difficult situation, work on these three steps IF you want to show them that you truly care. It'll not only help your client or friend in their situation, it will create a deeper and more trust filled relationship, too.
Please don’t go into a conversation with the intent to solve the situation at hand, go into it with the intention to show them that you care and are here to support them as a friend, guide, coach or mentor.
Trust is built with those that listen and SHOW that they care.
Which of these will you focus on in your coaching practice or personal relationships?
